Cheating, Evil, Fuel Supply, Lovebombing, Toxic Behaviors, Warning Signs

STUDYING A NARC

CHRIS WATTS WAS COVERT & CORRUPT
As the details come out about the secret life of a man who murdered his wife, unborn child and two toddler daughters-the more we see the pattern of a life that was rife with corruption, lies, and dark secrets. Studying the worst narcissist breed can teach us many lessons.”

Using Light to Live in the Shadows

Chris Watts is a man who was living his life in the dark shadows. An extreme narcissist, he used his marriage to a kind and beautiful woman to hide the dark second life he was living behind her back. He used his marriage to hide random hookups with women he met on Tinder, where he had “rough sex” and shared secret “rape fantasies” with one-night stands. One woman who came forward told police he had been so rough with her, she refused to ever see him again. He also used his marriage to hide the gay sexual relationships he was having with a male escort for nearly a year. He smeared his wife to family and friends, lied to targets about the reality of his life to gain their sympathy and make them feel sorry for him. At every turn, this narcissist made himself look like and seem like the vicitm-when the the reality couldn’t be further from the truth.

How does one person weave such a web of lies? It’s not as complicated as you may think once you understand how a narcissist functions, operates and their tactics. Rule number 1 for any narcissist is to NEVER GET CAUGHT.  Every tactic they take is to avoid discovery at every cost.

A Primary Supply Source as Cover
A narcissist is about the fake facade. They want you to see them as one way, when they are actually a different person behind closed doors. Often narcissists choose smart, kind, beautiful/handsome unknowing spouses so they can use their marriages as a way to hide their covert activities. If a narcissist is married to a great person, they couldn’t/wouldn’t possibly be cheating or lead a double life. Why would they?

Sneaky Apps to Cover Up Tracks
Police found nude photos of Chris Watts’ new mistress Nicole Kessinger in a secret app on his phone called Secret Calculator. This app is meant to look like a calculator, but hides a vault of secret photos and videos behind a fake front door (porn, lovers, etc.). Narcissists LOVE souvenirs of their prey. They take mental fuel supply from reliving their conquests or their sneakiness. If they took the photos or videos without permission, even better! You can bet a narcissist is not only cheating, but the incriminating evidence isn’t very far from their phone.

Here are a few other apps cheaters love to use:
https://www.datingadvice.com/online-dating/apps-for-cheaters
https://www.yourtango.com/2017306520/best-apps-have-affair-not-we-encourage-ithttps://www.laptopmag.com/articles/best-apps-for-cheaters
https://www.thetalko.com/12-cheating-apps-you-dont-want-to-find-on-his-phone/

He Gathered Blackmail Material to Devalue His Targets
Chris Watts was taking nude photos of his lovers. Why? The answer is simple. When he gets bored with his new target and decides to devalue them and discard them, he has plenty of juicy blackmail material to threaten his victims with. He might use this lovely information to extort money from someone, accidentally post nude photos of them at work, or send pictures to their child’s school. For a narcissist, no evil is ever out of bounds. The intel is assurance the narcissist can do with the victim whatever he feels like doing without threat of getting caught or being sold out. A person being threatened would never dare to tell his wife the truth. It’s a safety net the narcissist will never get caught.

He Smeared his Wife
Why does a narcissist smear the person he’s in a committed relationship? It’s about power. It’s also about careful power shifting and positioning. If the narcissist can make people believe the kind and good natured person he is married to is a monster in disguise-he knows who in their circle are easily manipulated and will believe anything he says. It’s a way to recruit the flying monkeys.

It’s also a tactic to keep the victimized spouse/partner trapped in the abusive relationship. If the victim tries to tell anyone of these cronies about their experience, the gullible monkey will send her back to her situation without ever asking for the truth or facts of the situation (because the narcissist has already sold his fake version of the truth and they already believed it).

People who are ripe for cronie-hood are family members you had a falling out with, former friends, jealous coworkers, or even friends who are envious of your life. A clever narc will have monkeys in every social and friend circle the victim is in. Essentially surrounding them with saboteurs and people trying to derail and harm the victim.

He Was an Expert at Playing the Victim
We saw in our Facebook post today how Chris Watts used clever lies to to frame his wife as an abuser when she was the victim! He told his parents she was abusive, told lovers he was in a loveless marriage. . .all clever lies to make the targets feel sorry for or empathize with the narcissist.

He Used Future Faking to Lure New Targets
Chris Watts used big dreams about his future with his new mistress. He talked about starting a life with her, “starting over”, and being truly happy. He sold her lies about a new home (when his current home was behind on payments) and living a lavish life of travel and leisure (when he was in severe debt). His lies worked so well, his mistress was Googling wedding dresses after only dating Chris for a few months (and she had no idea he had gay lovers or was meeting randoms for hookups on Tinder).

The Red Flags

  1. RUN IF HE TALKS MARRIAGE FAST
    Be wary of potential suitors that push for commitment too soon or mention marriage unusually fast in the relationship.
  2. TRUST IS EARNED
    Ask a lot of questions about a suitor’s past, present and future. Ask them about former relationships, then investigate and do your own homework.
  3. DO A BACKGROUND CHECK
    You can purchase applications that run reports on residences, former spouses, and even criminal activity. Do your homework and protect yourself.
  4. DO NOT RANDOMLY HAVE SEX WITH STRANGERS
    It sounds simple, but in today’s random hookup world of Tinder, Bumble, Match, Plenty of Fish, etc. there are plenty of narcissists in disguise picking their victims like they are eating from a menu at the flesh buffet. Many of these narcissists are not “well” when it comes to sex. They are dark, sadistic lovers who use pain to shame and abuse one-night lovers. They also care little about protection or spreading the STD they are likely carrying.
  5. IF IT’S TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE, IT IS
    If you are given expensive gifts, fancy trips, and lavish luxuries early in your relationship-these gifts are not free! A narcissist NEVER gives anything without repayment. If it feels too good to be true, it is. There are NO PRINCE CHARMINGS in the world and fairytales are fake. If he is working too hard to be your knight in shining armour-run!
  6. STOP LOOKING FOR VALIDATION FROM OTHERS
    A narcissist can read you like a book. If you love being complimented or seek approval from others, a discerning narc will know you will make a great new target. If you are confident of who you are in your own right, a narcissist will want nothing to do with you. A narcissist can’t stand confidence or anyone who has the ability to stand up for themselves and tell them off.
  7. IF SOMETHING FEELS OFF, IT IS
    If you’re gut is telling you something smells fishy, it most definitely is. You need to trust that instinct and investigate the truth or feeling enough to have the courage to walk away from a toxic and abusive person.
Coparenting, Divorcing a Narc, Manipulation, Starting Over, Toxic Behaviors

LIFE POST DIVORCE

COPARENTING IS HARD
A narcissist has a special place in their toxic brain for Primary Supply Sources (PSS). As if living with a monster isn’t purgatory enough, if you’re coparenting they just love to mess with your parenting plan, manipulate the rules, miss child support payments, smear campaign you to student’s parents and teachers in your school, skip paying their share of childcare and will even let medical expenses lapse a year or more!”

The Bad Just Keeps Bubbling Up
I’ve mentioned how recovery from narcissistic abuse is a long and slow process, but it’s even more complicated when you are coparenting and still have to interface with your toxic ex. After being free for the last seven years, honestly, nothing surprises me anymore. The longer we are apart, the more bad comes to the surface.

Life with a narcissist post-breakup doesn’t mean the drama is over for those of us who were married and if we were wed a long time, the trail of drama will be a long one. Just think of what two decades of lies looks like. How these abusers can find the time to manage so many details and conceal their dirty facts and mess with you after leaving them-is almost super human! It’s even worse if we are coparents because there are so many fun ways to manipulate and push our buttons.

Learn Your Triggers
Narcissists NEVER change their approach with you. They just assume whatever worked with you when you were together will work with you now. You need to understand and know what triggers you, so you can react differently to their pokes and jabs.

Is it an insult to your character?
Calling you a certain name?
Telling the kids you’re an angry person?
Calling you fat?
Catching the narcissist in a lie?
Responding to a false panic the narcissist has created?

Anything that gets your heart beating faster and your blood boiling is a keen indicator you’ve just been triggered by the narcissist. Start journaling and record what situations are causing your triggers to fire. Then learn how to control them.

Don’t Take the Bait
A narcissist knows how to start something just to get a response or rise out of you. STAY CALM. Learn not to respond immediately, but let the narcissist simmer as they wait for your response. Wait an hour or longer if you can, until you are calm and had ample time to consider the facts and think about your response.

Remove All Emotion
The hardest lesson to learn with a narcissist is they enjoy being yelled at, called names, and your anger and spite as much as they enjoy being praised and adored. Let me repeat that. A narcissist loves your venom and anger. 

It’s a sick dynamic, but it’s a true one. A narcissist will pick a fight with you just to lap up the wonderful negative praise from the moment. Like a dog digging up a favorite bone from a secret burrow, a narcissist digs up old dirt and pokes at your old buttons to eat the supply you’re giving him like a Scooby Snack.

If you are not familiar with the term Gray Rock, you need to be. In a nutshell, it is like the concept of No Contact-but for those of us who have to deal with toxic exes. Gray Rock means, you make your life as boring and uninteresting as possible for the narcissist. You stay emotionless and about as exciting as rock. The plan is the narc will get bored messing with you and go play with another target.

Never Stop Documenting
I keep an online journal and record conversations and situations with our kids. Never stop documenting your interactions and life with the narcissist. Keep a detailed record of their manipulations with your kids, and their missteps and be ready should you ever have the need to repetition the courts for your children.

Coparenting is the Perfect Setup for Game Playing
As the empath in the relationship, you care deeply about your children and the narcissist knows this. The narc knows this is your ultimate panic button and this will be the primary area in your life the narc will mess with and manipulate the most. To coparent with a narcissist means you need to be ready for your A game. Do not give the narcissist the supply they crave. Do not take the bait and do not make them believe their schemes are hurting, bothering, or driving you crazy.

As in all things with minor children, their safety comes first. If the narc is abusing your children, placing them in harmful situations or neglecting them–you need to take action with the property authorities and courts to protect them. In my experience, my narc only ever attempted to manipulate minor situations to annoy and inconvenience me. 

Here are a few tricks they will play with your kids:
– Refusing to care for sick children
– Refusing to watch children for me to travel for work
– Allowing kids to eat junk food nonstop so they come back sick
– Skipping medication for a child who needs regular meds
– Allowing kids to stay up way past their bedtimes so they are tired when they return
– Allowing day-long gaming marathons on weekends (so kids can’t sleep later)
– Attending school meetings with counsellors to show up late then dominate the meeting
– Pretending to be a concerned parent with counsellors then switching the conversation to focus entirely on himself
– Taking kids to expensive doctors, urgent care, etc. not on your insurance plan and then refusing to pay his share of the doctor bill
– Signing kids up for expensive after school activities and not paying his share for uniforms, registration, etc.
– Refusing to pay childcare expenses
– Late with child support, skipping payments or scheduling payments so cash is deposited the last day of the month and funds don’t arrive until the first week of the following month (so your bills are late if you need their money)
– Working with your child on a big class project, then taking all the credit for it with teachers and staff
– Rehearsing and practicing for a school event, to have the narc show up like he’s been the one doing all the work and putting in the time with your child (not you)
– Admitting to not know a child’s doctor only to attend the appointment like he knew them for years
– Manipulating a child to not take or skip meds to convince the child they are unnecessary because having a child who needs meds reflects poorly on the narcissist (child isn’t perfect)
– Allowing children to watch adult movies and films the narc knows you will object to (Mine let my kids watch a show with a burlesque scene so my kids learned what strippers were!)
– Paying for clothing, shoes, winter gear for your children to have the narcissist store them up at their home and not return them
– Allowing children to play with dangerous tools, toys, or sporting gear (think shotguns, bows/arrows, etc.)

Set Healthy Boundaries
Narcissists know no boundaries. If you’ve been bullied or conned in the past to let the narcissist tear down or overcome your boundaries, this is not the time to cave. Coparenting absolutely must have safe boundaries with a narcissist. Your home, your life, your children must be surrounded by safe boundaries. The narcissist should NEVER be in your new home, should never know who you are with, know your new love, or have any intel about your new life. Boundaries with and about the kids must be clearly drawn.

Knowledge is Power
Learn how to be the stronger/better person in the situation. Understand what drives you crazy and learn to better deal with the situation. Establish strong boundaries and stick with them. Learn about coping strategies and how to apply Gray Rock strategies.

Cheating, Fuel Supply, Sex, Toxic Behaviors

HIGH-RISK SEXUAL BEHAVIOR

FUEL IS FUEL NO MATTER THE GENDER
If you were/are in a relationship with a narc and can’t understand why they’re constantly flirting with members of the same sex. It’s because all women and men are viewed as a potential fuel source victims/targets. The narc may also be gender fluid, which means the narc doesn’t identify male or female. This gender fluidity makes it convenient for them to take fuel from whomever they can–without shame, guilt or dealing with the confusing consequences it creates for their spouses or partners.”

The Non-Binary Abuser
The term non-binary means a man or woman does not identify as being attracted to sexually to a specific gender. Many extreme narcissists on the spectrum can fall into this category. An extreme narcissist is entitled to do, think, feel or say whatever he pleases. The world is simply here to cater to his every whim and desire. Outwardly the narc may say and express gender identity (often heterosexuality), but it is a ruse to conceal the true sexuality of the narcissist. Being gender fluid means more human flesh the narc can consume over a lifetime. Each victim is another notch on a belt of delicious conquests. Each holds a special a mental and physical portion the narcissist consumes again-and-again for years to come in that twisted and toxic mind.

The World is Their Buffet
I’ve written in the past how sex is the ultimate source of fuel and gives the narc the perfect setup to get either positive or negative supply. When given the chance, a narc will seduce any given number of people, of any sex, race or culture to ensure a constant supply of positive or negative praise they must devour from people.

They don’t care about “whom” they are sleeping with (most relationships will involve a sexual encounter at some point) as much as when they can get their fix. I’ve even read studies the narcissist may not even climax, nor is that their aim. Instead, the sexual act is about the narcissist being in full power and control. Yes you read that correctly. The narc gets a bigger thrill from the power trip than the orgasm created by the sexual act itself!

Non-Stop Feedback is as Essential as Breathing
A true narcissist needs a constant flow of positive or negative praise to function. Ignoring a narcissist is pure death in its most evil form. They must constantly be the center of someone’s world or tearing someone’s world apart. It is as essential to their existence as breathing. This need for continuous acknowledgement and attention is what is referred to as narcissistic fuel supply. Taking positive/negative feedback is like a drug addict needing another hit. They simply can’t function or live without it.

You Are Meat to the Narc
To become fuel means the human form is nothing more than something to be used and consumed. The narcissist slyly traverses his relationship with his spouse or long-term partner by keeping them off the trail through a web of elaborate lies. The primary partner is mostly a cover for the truly vile activities the narcissist is up to. While deceiving a primary partner and outwardly appearing to be a fine husband (or wife), the narcissist is carrying on with a number of lovers or fan club of both sexes on the side. All while lapping the the pleasure it gives him to be so clever in deceiving the kind person he’s married to or in a committed relationship. He also enjoys and takes satisfaction in having his other lovers clamoring for his sexual attention. He may even go as far as to triangulate them in public to make them openly compete for his affection.

No matter your status in the relationship with the narcissist, all lovers are nothing more than a meal. A piece of meat on platter to the narc. The narc feels nothing and cares nothing for anyone. Love is a display of weakness. Compassion is for the simple minded. To manipulate, control, conquer, intellectually outwit and callously play with multiple human puppets–is a genius only an experienced extreme narcissist can accomplish. The narc’s only thought and focus is where and by whom the fuel need will be met.

Protect Yourself
If leaving your narcissist is something you can’t do or aren’t ready to do now, you need to know the narcissist’s sexual deviance is a large risk to your health. I would recommend taking precautions to protect yourself immediately. Narcs are not known for having protected sex because it reduces their own sexual pleasure or is an awkward interruption to their bedroom performance. Research has also shown they are not compelled to have protected sex even if they are sexually involved with multiple partners.

Whomever the narcissist is having sex with, you are having sex with too. Refuse to be intimate unless he wears a condom and only have protected sex if you suspect your narcissist is having sexual affairs outside your relationship. I also recommend regularly testing for a full panel of sexually transmitted diseases. Many former spouses and long-term victims have been given HPV, vaginal infections, or worse! Get tested if you’re unsure (see links below in the US).

https://www.mylabbox.com/
https://www.privateidna.com/
https://www.everlywell.com/products/

Leaving, Manipulation, Physical Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Toxic Behaviors

MURDER AND A VIOLENT NARC

A CONCERNING PATTERN
This news story is from a murder/suicide in Utah. A man in his late 30s lied about his age and felony background to college senior,  Lauren McClusky. She found out and ended the relationship. That’s when he turned ugly. Locking herself in her dorm, he attempted to bait her from campus and extorted $1,000 from her to keep sexual photos of her from flooding the internet and tarnishing her track career. He eventually lured her out (having a friend pose as a campus officer) and shot her in the back seat of her own car. THEN proceeded to have another women he met online pick him up from the murder scene to take her on a date! Heartless doesn’t even come close.”

HG Tudor has written about how extreme psychopaths view others as “meat on a hook” or their puppets on a string, but this just got me riled. He’s also written about how extreme malignant narcissists use sex to lure/trap victims and gather blackmail material to further entrap and abuse victims during the devaluation or fury stage. Our killer sounds like a man with experience in targeting and blackmailing women-and his friends were in on the take. I just wonder how many more victims there were before this.

It takes a special mind to kill in cold blood and act like it’s just another ordinary day. If history teaches us anything, it’s that it repeats itself. So how many women have to die before we build a better system to listen, serve and protect victims?! The police failed her. She didn’t have to die.

Let’s Review the Red Flags:
1) Zero remorse. Zero compassion. Extortion. Emotional and physical abuse.

2) He already moved on to his next supply source. He was so calm, he immediately went on another date after killing a young woman without any care in the world!

3) He was dating online. HG Tudor is also very honest about online dating sites and how narcs troll for victims there.

4) He gathered/used blackmail material during the love bombing/infatuation stage.

5) He felt nothing during the devaluation stage (her murder) and simply moved on.

6) His “flying monkeys” were in on his schemes and even helped him lure this woman to her fatal confrontation with him.

Read More Here:
https://www-m.cnn.com/…/26/us/utah-student-kill…/index.html…

Evil, Manipulation, Physical Abuse, Toxic Behaviors

EVIL SCHEMES

A NARCISSIST INFLICTS COVERT PAIN
When my malignant narcissist realized I wouldn’t receive any inheritance for forty years, he became focused on acquiring multi million dollar life insurance policies. Then things began to get strange. A carbon monoxide incident happened, he put me thru extreme emotional strain, and pressed me for sex after a hysterectomy. I started questioning every interaction with him. Was I ever safe? When the plots to hurt me failed, he resorted to open threats and ramped up the violence. He was furious when I finally fled with our kids.”

The Love Bombed Target (1993)
I met my ex when I attended college as an undergraduate. A chance meeting through another friend, he love bombed me to the point I felt I was living in a fairytale dream. He was so polite, considerate, sweet, brought me flowers all the time and enjoyed doing ALL the things I enjoyed doing. I thought I had met my prince charming.

Six months into our dating relationship, he triangulated me by inviting a woman he had a romantic affair with overseas to the stay with us in the US. For weeks he flaunted her in my face. Then he took a job out of state and left me to care for our apartment in our hometown four states away. Before he left for his internship, he left photos of this woman on the walls in our bedroom (just another way to rub salt into the wound). I was a virgin when I met him and he was the only lover I knew. Growing up with strict Christian grandparents, I was taught you marry the man you give your virginity to. . .so I clung to that monster like he was the man I was intended to be with for my lifetime.

A few months later he asked me to marry him in the most unromantic and insincere proposal. Like an idiot, I let him get away with it and accepted (with a ring I paid my grandmother for). The wedding went by quickly and soon after, the love bombing stopped and I felt like the sky had fallen out of my ceiling.

The Mask Came Off (1996)
What used to be sweet, sweet language of love and passion–changed to words of hate, shame, and disgust. I was too fat, too thin, too pretty, too ugly, stupid, boring and he just couldn’t stand me. Again, falling back into my “good Christian wife” routine: I refused to let my new marriage collapse or give up without “fixing” what was wrong. So, I focused on changing the things that annoyed him. I lost weight, rose to the head of my college, and decided to spice things up in the bedroom because I was so inexperienced.

Years drug on and I was living a rollercoaster life with a man I barely knew. I knew only the persona he created. He played the role of “husband” people knew outside our home, and I loved that fake husband personality so much, I would have given anything to have him be that man privately behind closed doors. That good/fake husband only existed in public. Only came out around friends, family, clients, and people he wanted to impress. The real husband was something much more sinister. The real husband secretly hated women and his personal mission was to make me suffer for the women who inflicted pain in his life before me (his mother, ex girlfriend in high school, ex fiancee in college, etc.). He was like living with a darker version of Jekyll and Hyde. . only the man I ever got was the psycho.

The Obsession with Life Insurance (1997-2000)
I am the daughter of a wealthier family in the midwest. We’re no Rockefellers’ by any means, but in the small county where I grew up, we had significant assets. I believe I was love bombed by my ex because he got wind my family had money. I believe he married me because he believed I would inherit money during our marriage and he could exploit me to use my fortune as he saw fit. What he didn’t know is I wouldn’t receive anything until I was in my 60s. When he realized that his plan failed, he became obsessed with life insurance and insisted we both get $1M+ policies to protect each other “if anything should happen”.

Reproductive Illness and Countless Procedures (2003-2007)
Flat broke (and with me making more money a year than him), we purchased a little fixer upper bungalow in a historic part of town. It needed some work, but nothing a man trained in construction couldn’t handle. We lived in the home for nearly 10 years and I lived with that man constantly tearing me down, building me up, then tearing me down again. He sabotaged work events, my volunteer activities, and derailed and tore down everything that was a threat to him as a man. In 2003, I became ill, was in extraordinary pain, and couldn’t eat.

In 2004, I learned I had a reproductive disorder that behaved like cancer and treatment took nearly three years and meant living through excruciating pain. He was my caregiver after a surgery that left me hospitalized for over a week and home recovering for nearly a month! And he was abusive and brutal.

Covert CO Poisoning During My First Pregnancy (2007)
After completing therapy, I was sick and in pain again. My doctor was ready to go back for surgery, but insisted I take a pregnancy test before scheduling the procedure. A less than 10% chance of ever having children, I believed the test was a cruel joke–but it turned out I was pregnant.

My pregnancy was the most wonderful time of my life, but my ex was not on board. He HATED I was pregnant. Hated I was getting all sorts of attention from friends and family and he wasn’t the center of their attention and adoration. He ignored the pregnancy most of the time and I worked/traveled until my 7th month (until my doctor threatened to put me on bed rest). I remember calling him from my hotel the night I felt our baby move. He simply responded, “That’s nice. I gotta go. I’m busy.”. I now know he was busy with the affair he was carrying on. His latest source of narcissistic fuel (and there would be many more lovers to come).

We never replaced the furnace in the old home we purchased. In my third trimester I started to feel dizzy and lightheaded. I felt woozy when I got out of bed and kept smelling gas in the house. I reported all this to my ex, who ignored it. “I don’t smell anything.”, he would casually say. We would walk down to the furnace and there would be no smell. He’d declare I was crazy and give everything the all-clear.

A few weeks later I was in the basement doing laundry and smelled gas again. The dog was more sleepy than usual and our goldfish had died, but I knew I was smelling something off. One thing a pregnant woman has is an incredible sense of smell! This time I was determined to find where the smell was coming from. I followed it to the furnace and put my hand up to see if I could feel anything unusual. I could feel heat venting into the laundry room! I found the leak! I went upstairs to shut it off and called my ex. I was standing outside talking to the neighbor when he arrived. He called the furnace company and they promptly ran tests, declared I was lucky to be alive, then removed the old unit and threw it in a dumpster!

I don’t have proof, but I believe wholeheartedly that man tried to poison me and our unborn child with carbon monoxide. I believe he tampered with the vent pipe to have the furnace vent into our house when he was gone and fixed it when he was home (why we couldn’t smell gas when we went down to check it together). When he saw me talking to our neighbor, he was forced to deal with the situation because I had mentioned it to someone outside our home (if he didn’t fix it they would know something was up). I believe his plan was to quietly make us sick so he could collect on a large life insurance policy he was so adamant we have years before. He was simply waiting for the right time to set the perfect plot and collect.

Extreme Emotional Strain Post-Surgery (2010)
A few years went by and we purchased a newer home, another fixer upper that needed tons of work. We hired my twenty-something cousin to watch our kids (we now had a baby daughter) while we worked on the house during the day. I was now a stay-at-home mom (our son has Autism and required a lot of therapy, etc. that made it challenging to work and manage his needs). My ex and I worked on our new home during the day and went home to our babies at night. My cousin slept in the basement of the new home (because it was supposedly free of mold).

For months I would go home to our babies, while he stayed behind to greet my cousin and work later on the house. Were they having an affair? I believe so and our living arrangement gave him the perfect setup to triangulate me with a younger family member he was having an affair with. While we were working on our home, I started feeling ill again and my pain had returned as strong as before.

We finished the house, my cousin moved out and we had a German exchange student move in with us the following fall. I went in for a hysterectomy and another procedure and was hospitalized when she arrived. My ex visited the hospital once during my procedure. . .to the extent the nurses asked me if we were separated! When I returned home to recover, I was taking some pretty serious medications and was still wearing a catheter. My ex had his mother come and stay and during that time, she completely ignored any of the scheduling needs and routines for my Autistic son. I could hear him having tantrums and sensory breakdowns through my bedroom door–while she scolded him for being naughty. It reached a place where I could hear her being cruel and I forced myself out of bed to confront her. My ex was home and got wind of the conversation and made me out to be the bad guy. Grabbed my arm so hard he left a bruise, and drug me to the front room. Proceeded to scream at me and how nasty of a person I was and told me to get upstairs and back to bed before he made me.

For weeks while I was taking meds, my ex told him how crazy I was, how easy things would be if I just wasn’t around. How horrible I was and how he hated me. How I starved him of sex during all my procedures and he was getting ready to find it somewhere else. As I started feeling better, I invited him to have sex while still taking pain meds. He’d leave and say cruel things, like “That was such a waste of my time,” then slam the door behind him. One day he left the bedroom and said, “Remember to take your pills”. It was then I realized he was pushing my fragile state to make me feel hopeless so I would voluntarily overdose on my medications. I was more determined than ever to get well and get out of that bed. While recovering, I plotted my exit strategy to leave that monster for good.

Increased Aggression & Violence Ramp Up (2010-2011)
Three months before I finally left, my ex approached me in our kitchen and said the following words to me in the coldest manner, “I fucking hate you. I want to beat your ugly fucking face in.” I was shocked, but I collected myself. I knew things had escalated to the point of no return for me. I told him he needed to think about what he just said, kicked him out of my kitchen, and told him he better have an answer for me in the morning. When I approached him the next morning and asked what that comment was about last night, he said matter-of-factly,”I dunno. You had just pissed me off and I was mad at you.”. I realized then, I needed to speed up my departure and get me and our kids out of there and free from the man who was getting more and more violent with our Autistic son.

We Fled Quickly
I left my ex. Left him without giving him a chance to devalue and discard me because the safety of myself and our children was at stake. When a psychopath tells you he wants to hurt you without feeling an ounce of guilt or remorse for it, it’s a big clue he’s ready to act on his words. . .but in hindsight, I believe my ex had been planning a more sinister demise for me years into our relationship. Sometimes looking back, I wonder how I ever survived my marriage. I believe I narrowly escaped plot-after-plot.

I don’t have proof of his plans or attempts (it is incredibly difficult to track a covert narc’s underhanded schemes), but knowing what I know today. . .I sometimes lose sleep wondering what else he attempted when I was oblivious to his schemes. Perhaps the times I had the flu wasn’t really the flu at all. What if he had been successful? What if I had given up tracking the source of the gas smell in our house?

Are you are in a similar situation? Stop ignoring the red flags and go! Run far and run fast! Save yourself.