Cheating, Evil, Fuel Supply, Lovebombing, Toxic Behaviors, Warning Signs

STUDYING A NARC

CHRIS WATTS WAS COVERT & CORRUPT
As the details come out about the secret life of a man who murdered his wife, unborn child and two toddler daughters-the more we see the pattern of a life that was rife with corruption, lies, and dark secrets. Studying the worst narcissist breed can teach us many lessons.”

Using Light to Live in the Shadows

Chris Watts is a man who was living his life in the dark shadows. An extreme narcissist, he used his marriage to a kind and beautiful woman to hide the dark second life he was living behind her back. He used his marriage to hide random hookups with women he met on Tinder, where he had “rough sex” and shared secret “rape fantasies” with one-night stands. One woman who came forward told police he had been so rough with her, she refused to ever see him again. He also used his marriage to hide the gay sexual relationships he was having with a male escort for nearly a year. He smeared his wife to family and friends, lied to targets about the reality of his life to gain their sympathy and make them feel sorry for him. At every turn, this narcissist made himself look like and seem like the vicitm-when the the reality couldn’t be further from the truth.

How does one person weave such a web of lies? It’s not as complicated as you may think once you understand how a narcissist functions, operates and their tactics. Rule number 1 for any narcissist is to NEVER GET CAUGHT.  Every tactic they take is to avoid discovery at every cost.

A Primary Supply Source as Cover
A narcissist is about the fake facade. They want you to see them as one way, when they are actually a different person behind closed doors. Often narcissists choose smart, kind, beautiful/handsome unknowing spouses so they can use their marriages as a way to hide their covert activities. If a narcissist is married to a great person, they couldn’t/wouldn’t possibly be cheating or lead a double life. Why would they?

Sneaky Apps to Cover Up Tracks
Police found nude photos of Chris Watts’ new mistress Nicole Kessinger in a secret app on his phone called Secret Calculator. This app is meant to look like a calculator, but hides a vault of secret photos and videos behind a fake front door (porn, lovers, etc.). Narcissists LOVE souvenirs of their prey. They take mental fuel supply from reliving their conquests or their sneakiness. If they took the photos or videos without permission, even better! You can bet a narcissist is not only cheating, but the incriminating evidence isn’t very far from their phone.

Here are a few other apps cheaters love to use:
https://www.datingadvice.com/online-dating/apps-for-cheaters
https://www.yourtango.com/2017306520/best-apps-have-affair-not-we-encourage-ithttps://www.laptopmag.com/articles/best-apps-for-cheaters
https://www.thetalko.com/12-cheating-apps-you-dont-want-to-find-on-his-phone/

He Gathered Blackmail Material to Devalue His Targets
Chris Watts was taking nude photos of his lovers. Why? The answer is simple. When he gets bored with his new target and decides to devalue them and discard them, he has plenty of juicy blackmail material to threaten his victims with. He might use this lovely information to extort money from someone, accidentally post nude photos of them at work, or send pictures to their child’s school. For a narcissist, no evil is ever out of bounds. The intel is assurance the narcissist can do with the victim whatever he feels like doing without threat of getting caught or being sold out. A person being threatened would never dare to tell his wife the truth. It’s a safety net the narcissist will never get caught.

He Smeared his Wife
Why does a narcissist smear the person he’s in a committed relationship? It’s about power. It’s also about careful power shifting and positioning. If the narcissist can make people believe the kind and good natured person he is married to is a monster in disguise-he knows who in their circle are easily manipulated and will believe anything he says. It’s a way to recruit the flying monkeys.

It’s also a tactic to keep the victimized spouse/partner trapped in the abusive relationship. If the victim tries to tell anyone of these cronies about their experience, the gullible monkey will send her back to her situation without ever asking for the truth or facts of the situation (because the narcissist has already sold his fake version of the truth and they already believed it).

People who are ripe for cronie-hood are family members you had a falling out with, former friends, jealous coworkers, or even friends who are envious of your life. A clever narc will have monkeys in every social and friend circle the victim is in. Essentially surrounding them with saboteurs and people trying to derail and harm the victim.

He Was an Expert at Playing the Victim
We saw in our Facebook post today how Chris Watts used clever lies to to frame his wife as an abuser when she was the victim! He told his parents she was abusive, told lovers he was in a loveless marriage. . .all clever lies to make the targets feel sorry for or empathize with the narcissist.

He Used Future Faking to Lure New Targets
Chris Watts used big dreams about his future with his new mistress. He talked about starting a life with her, “starting over”, and being truly happy. He sold her lies about a new home (when his current home was behind on payments) and living a lavish life of travel and leisure (when he was in severe debt). His lies worked so well, his mistress was Googling wedding dresses after only dating Chris for a few months (and she had no idea he had gay lovers or was meeting randoms for hookups on Tinder).

The Red Flags

  1. RUN IF HE TALKS MARRIAGE FAST
    Be wary of potential suitors that push for commitment too soon or mention marriage unusually fast in the relationship.
  2. TRUST IS EARNED
    Ask a lot of questions about a suitor’s past, present and future. Ask them about former relationships, then investigate and do your own homework.
  3. DO A BACKGROUND CHECK
    You can purchase applications that run reports on residences, former spouses, and even criminal activity. Do your homework and protect yourself.
  4. DO NOT RANDOMLY HAVE SEX WITH STRANGERS
    It sounds simple, but in today’s random hookup world of Tinder, Bumble, Match, Plenty of Fish, etc. there are plenty of narcissists in disguise picking their victims like they are eating from a menu at the flesh buffet. Many of these narcissists are not “well” when it comes to sex. They are dark, sadistic lovers who use pain to shame and abuse one-night lovers. They also care little about protection or spreading the STD they are likely carrying.
  5. IF IT’S TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE, IT IS
    If you are given expensive gifts, fancy trips, and lavish luxuries early in your relationship-these gifts are not free! A narcissist NEVER gives anything without repayment. If it feels too good to be true, it is. There are NO PRINCE CHARMINGS in the world and fairytales are fake. If he is working too hard to be your knight in shining armour-run!
  6. STOP LOOKING FOR VALIDATION FROM OTHERS
    A narcissist can read you like a book. If you love being complimented or seek approval from others, a discerning narc will know you will make a great new target. If you are confident of who you are in your own right, a narcissist will want nothing to do with you. A narcissist can’t stand confidence or anyone who has the ability to stand up for themselves and tell them off.
  7. IF SOMETHING FEELS OFF, IT IS
    If you’re gut is telling you something smells fishy, it most definitely is. You need to trust that instinct and investigate the truth or feeling enough to have the courage to walk away from a toxic and abusive person.
Dating, Evil, Love, Lovebombing, Manipulation, Red Flags, Warning Signs

THE GREAT CON

THE LOVE TRAP
Narcissists are great actors. They pretend to feel and experience love all the ways you do. Once you give your heart to a narcissist, they believe you are giving them absolute permission to do with it whatever they like. “

Empaths are uniquely wired and believe the entire world thinks, acts, and believes in the basic rules of fairness and morality. The reality is, there are evil people in this world who seek to destroy and disrupt all of this. Narcissists prey on kind hearted and genuine people to use and destroy. They use love as weapon to inflict pain and it’s one of their best games.

You Feel Everything
The Narcissist Feels Nothing

An empath is a truly real and honest person. We wear our hearts on our sleeves. We care for everyone, want everyone to be happy and to feel loved. What we feel is real, true and authentic. The idea of “faking” how we feel about something or someone is counterintuitive to our natures. We are healers, teachers, mothers, nurses, minsters, and caregivers. When we love, we love deeply and for a lifetime.

A narcissist does not feel the same way an empath does. Narcissists view feeling anything as weak. They smell your “feelings” a mile away. It’s a stench of weakness they follow like wolves hunting prey. They believe allowing your emotions to rule your mind or thoughts is infantile and shows a lack of their intelligence and control. A narcissist is ruler over emotion and would never let love get in the way of their sick joy ride, but they know how to fake love to get you to fall for them.

How They Do It

A narcissist knows once he has you in his clutches and has checked all the boxes to make you fall in love with him-you are ripe for whatever he has in store next. They apply one or all the tactics to lure you into the love trap.

Lovebombing
A narcissist will make you feel like you hang the moon. They will swoon you, woo you, and make you feel you walk on water. They will ooze charm and compliment you on everything. They will tell you constantly how much they adore you, are attracted to you, how much they want you and how you are perfect for them. They will make you believe they are “the one” and will do anything to convince you. During this stage of the relationship NOTHING is too much. Expensive gifts, lavish trips, you can have anything your heart desires. . .but it comes with a price.

Future Faking
A narcissist is perfect at telling you exactly what you want to hear. If your dream is to be married and have a big house full of children, the narcissist will tell you how he is looking at a home to build a future for you. He will carefully seed thoughts in your mind about marriage and having a family. He will tell you it’s his only wish and you are his dream come true to share it with. This is all a lie to get you to fall more deeply into their trap of deception.

Mimicry
This is a sneaky tactic a narcissist uses to make you think you are “made for each other.” Narcissists carefully study their victims. They use social media and other outlets to research you, learn about your friends, your family, hobbies and things that make you happy. They take this intel and feed it back to you, pretending to share your same interests and dreams.If you posted last year you love skiing in Aspen, the narcissist will be an avid ski fan and pepper your conversations about how beautiful Colorado is in winter with fresh powder. The narcissist wants you to believe you are one in the same. That you reflect him, but the narcissist is just a clever spy who studied your life to mimic and feedback to you the things you care about.

“Trust Me. I’m different.” False Bonding/Trust
A narcissist will use all the techniques above to create a false bond with you-fast! This is one of their greatest cons. The narcissist wants you to feel safe and will tell you whatever you need to hear to believe he is an exceptional person of the most upstanding character. They will tell you they are “old fashioned” and value monogamous relationships, when they are misogynistic and highly abusive. They will tell you they are Christian, when they use scripture to break women of faith. They will tell you they have never online dated, when they have multiple accounts on numerous dating and porn sites.

The narcissist is one of the most dangerous people to extend trust before it’s been earned. If you let your guard down quickly and feel a false sense of trust, the narc knows he has you. You are putty in his hands and your boundaries are about to be tested and retested to the breaking point.

Good Deeds Tally Sheet
The narcissist will go to great lengths to proof his superhero love for you. He will help a sick friend of yours. Do favors without asking anything in return and will seem like a kind and thoughtful person to the unsuspecting eye. Secretly, the narcissist is keeping score. Every kind thing he does now, he will expect to be repaid later. No good deed ever goes unpaid-ever!

Irresistible Attraction
Narcissists are generally great lovers and it’s because they have had a lot of practice with their craft. They know exactly how to seduce, entice and entrap to make sex feel like the spiciest romance novel. They want you to be addicted. The sex so great and so wonderful you are just completely snowed over so you will do anything, anywhere with them. Be warned this is giant trap.

Pushing You Away
They will triangulate you with their work, friends, other lovers and do whatever it takes for you to prove how much you want them or need them. They want you to compete for their time and attention.

Evil, Manipulation, Physical Abuse, Toxic Behaviors

EVIL SCHEMES

A NARCISSIST INFLICTS COVERT PAIN
When my malignant narcissist realized I wouldn’t receive any inheritance for forty years, he became focused on acquiring multi million dollar life insurance policies. Then things began to get strange. A carbon monoxide incident happened, he put me thru extreme emotional strain, and pressed me for sex after a hysterectomy. I started questioning every interaction with him. Was I ever safe? When the plots to hurt me failed, he resorted to open threats and ramped up the violence. He was furious when I finally fled with our kids.”

The Love Bombed Target (1993)
I met my ex when I attended college as an undergraduate. A chance meeting through another friend, he love bombed me to the point I felt I was living in a fairytale dream. He was so polite, considerate, sweet, brought me flowers all the time and enjoyed doing ALL the things I enjoyed doing. I thought I had met my prince charming.

Six months into our dating relationship, he triangulated me by inviting a woman he had a romantic affair with overseas to the stay with us in the US. For weeks he flaunted her in my face. Then he took a job out of state and left me to care for our apartment in our hometown four states away. Before he left for his internship, he left photos of this woman on the walls in our bedroom (just another way to rub salt into the wound). I was a virgin when I met him and he was the only lover I knew. Growing up with strict Christian grandparents, I was taught you marry the man you give your virginity to. . .so I clung to that monster like he was the man I was intended to be with for my lifetime.

A few months later he asked me to marry him in the most unromantic and insincere proposal. Like an idiot, I let him get away with it and accepted (with a ring I paid my grandmother for). The wedding went by quickly and soon after, the love bombing stopped and I felt like the sky had fallen out of my ceiling.

The Mask Came Off (1996)
What used to be sweet, sweet language of love and passion–changed to words of hate, shame, and disgust. I was too fat, too thin, too pretty, too ugly, stupid, boring and he just couldn’t stand me. Again, falling back into my “good Christian wife” routine: I refused to let my new marriage collapse or give up without “fixing” what was wrong. So, I focused on changing the things that annoyed him. I lost weight, rose to the head of my college, and decided to spice things up in the bedroom because I was so inexperienced.

Years drug on and I was living a rollercoaster life with a man I barely knew. I knew only the persona he created. He played the role of “husband” people knew outside our home, and I loved that fake husband personality so much, I would have given anything to have him be that man privately behind closed doors. That good/fake husband only existed in public. Only came out around friends, family, clients, and people he wanted to impress. The real husband was something much more sinister. The real husband secretly hated women and his personal mission was to make me suffer for the women who inflicted pain in his life before me (his mother, ex girlfriend in high school, ex fiancee in college, etc.). He was like living with a darker version of Jekyll and Hyde. . only the man I ever got was the psycho.

The Obsession with Life Insurance (1997-2000)
I am the daughter of a wealthier family in the midwest. We’re no Rockefellers’ by any means, but in the small county where I grew up, we had significant assets. I believe I was love bombed by my ex because he got wind my family had money. I believe he married me because he believed I would inherit money during our marriage and he could exploit me to use my fortune as he saw fit. What he didn’t know is I wouldn’t receive anything until I was in my 60s. When he realized that his plan failed, he became obsessed with life insurance and insisted we both get $1M+ policies to protect each other “if anything should happen”.

Reproductive Illness and Countless Procedures (2003-2007)
Flat broke (and with me making more money a year than him), we purchased a little fixer upper bungalow in a historic part of town. It needed some work, but nothing a man trained in construction couldn’t handle. We lived in the home for nearly 10 years and I lived with that man constantly tearing me down, building me up, then tearing me down again. He sabotaged work events, my volunteer activities, and derailed and tore down everything that was a threat to him as a man. In 2003, I became ill, was in extraordinary pain, and couldn’t eat.

In 2004, I learned I had a reproductive disorder that behaved like cancer and treatment took nearly three years and meant living through excruciating pain. He was my caregiver after a surgery that left me hospitalized for over a week and home recovering for nearly a month! And he was abusive and brutal.

Covert CO Poisoning During My First Pregnancy (2007)
After completing therapy, I was sick and in pain again. My doctor was ready to go back for surgery, but insisted I take a pregnancy test before scheduling the procedure. A less than 10% chance of ever having children, I believed the test was a cruel joke–but it turned out I was pregnant.

My pregnancy was the most wonderful time of my life, but my ex was not on board. He HATED I was pregnant. Hated I was getting all sorts of attention from friends and family and he wasn’t the center of their attention and adoration. He ignored the pregnancy most of the time and I worked/traveled until my 7th month (until my doctor threatened to put me on bed rest). I remember calling him from my hotel the night I felt our baby move. He simply responded, “That’s nice. I gotta go. I’m busy.”. I now know he was busy with the affair he was carrying on. His latest source of narcissistic fuel (and there would be many more lovers to come).

We never replaced the furnace in the old home we purchased. In my third trimester I started to feel dizzy and lightheaded. I felt woozy when I got out of bed and kept smelling gas in the house. I reported all this to my ex, who ignored it. “I don’t smell anything.”, he would casually say. We would walk down to the furnace and there would be no smell. He’d declare I was crazy and give everything the all-clear.

A few weeks later I was in the basement doing laundry and smelled gas again. The dog was more sleepy than usual and our goldfish had died, but I knew I was smelling something off. One thing a pregnant woman has is an incredible sense of smell! This time I was determined to find where the smell was coming from. I followed it to the furnace and put my hand up to see if I could feel anything unusual. I could feel heat venting into the laundry room! I found the leak! I went upstairs to shut it off and called my ex. I was standing outside talking to the neighbor when he arrived. He called the furnace company and they promptly ran tests, declared I was lucky to be alive, then removed the old unit and threw it in a dumpster!

I don’t have proof, but I believe wholeheartedly that man tried to poison me and our unborn child with carbon monoxide. I believe he tampered with the vent pipe to have the furnace vent into our house when he was gone and fixed it when he was home (why we couldn’t smell gas when we went down to check it together). When he saw me talking to our neighbor, he was forced to deal with the situation because I had mentioned it to someone outside our home (if he didn’t fix it they would know something was up). I believe his plan was to quietly make us sick so he could collect on a large life insurance policy he was so adamant we have years before. He was simply waiting for the right time to set the perfect plot and collect.

Extreme Emotional Strain Post-Surgery (2010)
A few years went by and we purchased a newer home, another fixer upper that needed tons of work. We hired my twenty-something cousin to watch our kids (we now had a baby daughter) while we worked on the house during the day. I was now a stay-at-home mom (our son has Autism and required a lot of therapy, etc. that made it challenging to work and manage his needs). My ex and I worked on our new home during the day and went home to our babies at night. My cousin slept in the basement of the new home (because it was supposedly free of mold).

For months I would go home to our babies, while he stayed behind to greet my cousin and work later on the house. Were they having an affair? I believe so and our living arrangement gave him the perfect setup to triangulate me with a younger family member he was having an affair with. While we were working on our home, I started feeling ill again and my pain had returned as strong as before.

We finished the house, my cousin moved out and we had a German exchange student move in with us the following fall. I went in for a hysterectomy and another procedure and was hospitalized when she arrived. My ex visited the hospital once during my procedure. . .to the extent the nurses asked me if we were separated! When I returned home to recover, I was taking some pretty serious medications and was still wearing a catheter. My ex had his mother come and stay and during that time, she completely ignored any of the scheduling needs and routines for my Autistic son. I could hear him having tantrums and sensory breakdowns through my bedroom door–while she scolded him for being naughty. It reached a place where I could hear her being cruel and I forced myself out of bed to confront her. My ex was home and got wind of the conversation and made me out to be the bad guy. Grabbed my arm so hard he left a bruise, and drug me to the front room. Proceeded to scream at me and how nasty of a person I was and told me to get upstairs and back to bed before he made me.

For weeks while I was taking meds, my ex told him how crazy I was, how easy things would be if I just wasn’t around. How horrible I was and how he hated me. How I starved him of sex during all my procedures and he was getting ready to find it somewhere else. As I started feeling better, I invited him to have sex while still taking pain meds. He’d leave and say cruel things, like “That was such a waste of my time,” then slam the door behind him. One day he left the bedroom and said, “Remember to take your pills”. It was then I realized he was pushing my fragile state to make me feel hopeless so I would voluntarily overdose on my medications. I was more determined than ever to get well and get out of that bed. While recovering, I plotted my exit strategy to leave that monster for good.

Increased Aggression & Violence Ramp Up (2010-2011)
Three months before I finally left, my ex approached me in our kitchen and said the following words to me in the coldest manner, “I fucking hate you. I want to beat your ugly fucking face in.” I was shocked, but I collected myself. I knew things had escalated to the point of no return for me. I told him he needed to think about what he just said, kicked him out of my kitchen, and told him he better have an answer for me in the morning. When I approached him the next morning and asked what that comment was about last night, he said matter-of-factly,”I dunno. You had just pissed me off and I was mad at you.”. I realized then, I needed to speed up my departure and get me and our kids out of there and free from the man who was getting more and more violent with our Autistic son.

We Fled Quickly
I left my ex. Left him without giving him a chance to devalue and discard me because the safety of myself and our children was at stake. When a psychopath tells you he wants to hurt you without feeling an ounce of guilt or remorse for it, it’s a big clue he’s ready to act on his words. . .but in hindsight, I believe my ex had been planning a more sinister demise for me years into our relationship. Sometimes looking back, I wonder how I ever survived my marriage. I believe I narrowly escaped plot-after-plot.

I don’t have proof of his plans or attempts (it is incredibly difficult to track a covert narc’s underhanded schemes), but knowing what I know today. . .I sometimes lose sleep wondering what else he attempted when I was oblivious to his schemes. Perhaps the times I had the flu wasn’t really the flu at all. What if he had been successful? What if I had given up tracking the source of the gas smell in our house?

Are you are in a similar situation? Stop ignoring the red flags and go! Run far and run fast! Save yourself.