Dating, Evil, Love, Lovebombing, Manipulation, Red Flags, Warning Signs

THE GREAT CON

THE LOVE TRAP
Narcissists are great actors. They pretend to feel and experience love all the ways you do. Once you give your heart to a narcissist, they believe you are giving them absolute permission to do with it whatever they like. “

Empaths are uniquely wired and believe the entire world thinks, acts, and believes in the basic rules of fairness and morality. The reality is, there are evil people in this world who seek to destroy and disrupt all of this. Narcissists prey on kind hearted and genuine people to use and destroy. They use love as weapon to inflict pain and it’s one of their best games.

You Feel Everything
The Narcissist Feels Nothing

An empath is a truly real and honest person. We wear our hearts on our sleeves. We care for everyone, want everyone to be happy and to feel loved. What we feel is real, true and authentic. The idea of “faking” how we feel about something or someone is counterintuitive to our natures. We are healers, teachers, mothers, nurses, minsters, and caregivers. When we love, we love deeply and for a lifetime.

A narcissist does not feel the same way an empath does. Narcissists view feeling anything as weak. They smell your “feelings” a mile away. It’s a stench of weakness they follow like wolves hunting prey. They believe allowing your emotions to rule your mind or thoughts is infantile and shows a lack of their intelligence and control. A narcissist is ruler over emotion and would never let love get in the way of their sick joy ride, but they know how to fake love to get you to fall for them.

How They Do It

A narcissist knows once he has you in his clutches and has checked all the boxes to make you fall in love with him-you are ripe for whatever he has in store next. They apply one or all the tactics to lure you into the love trap.

Lovebombing
A narcissist will make you feel like you hang the moon. They will swoon you, woo you, and make you feel you walk on water. They will ooze charm and compliment you on everything. They will tell you constantly how much they adore you, are attracted to you, how much they want you and how you are perfect for them. They will make you believe they are “the one” and will do anything to convince you. During this stage of the relationship NOTHING is too much. Expensive gifts, lavish trips, you can have anything your heart desires. . .but it comes with a price.

Future Faking
A narcissist is perfect at telling you exactly what you want to hear. If your dream is to be married and have a big house full of children, the narcissist will tell you how he is looking at a home to build a future for you. He will carefully seed thoughts in your mind about marriage and having a family. He will tell you it’s his only wish and you are his dream come true to share it with. This is all a lie to get you to fall more deeply into their trap of deception.

Mimicry
This is a sneaky tactic a narcissist uses to make you think you are “made for each other.” Narcissists carefully study their victims. They use social media and other outlets to research you, learn about your friends, your family, hobbies and things that make you happy. They take this intel and feed it back to you, pretending to share your same interests and dreams.If you posted last year you love skiing in Aspen, the narcissist will be an avid ski fan and pepper your conversations about how beautiful Colorado is in winter with fresh powder. The narcissist wants you to believe you are one in the same. That you reflect him, but the narcissist is just a clever spy who studied your life to mimic and feedback to you the things you care about.

“Trust Me. I’m different.” False Bonding/Trust
A narcissist will use all the techniques above to create a false bond with you-fast! This is one of their greatest cons. The narcissist wants you to feel safe and will tell you whatever you need to hear to believe he is an exceptional person of the most upstanding character. They will tell you they are “old fashioned” and value monogamous relationships, when they are misogynistic and highly abusive. They will tell you they are Christian, when they use scripture to break women of faith. They will tell you they have never online dated, when they have multiple accounts on numerous dating and porn sites.

The narcissist is one of the most dangerous people to extend trust before it’s been earned. If you let your guard down quickly and feel a false sense of trust, the narc knows he has you. You are putty in his hands and your boundaries are about to be tested and retested to the breaking point.

Good Deeds Tally Sheet
The narcissist will go to great lengths to proof his superhero love for you. He will help a sick friend of yours. Do favors without asking anything in return and will seem like a kind and thoughtful person to the unsuspecting eye. Secretly, the narcissist is keeping score. Every kind thing he does now, he will expect to be repaid later. No good deed ever goes unpaid-ever!

Irresistible Attraction
Narcissists are generally great lovers and it’s because they have had a lot of practice with their craft. They know exactly how to seduce, entice and entrap to make sex feel like the spiciest romance novel. They want you to be addicted. The sex so great and so wonderful you are just completely snowed over so you will do anything, anywhere with them. Be warned this is giant trap.

Pushing You Away
They will triangulate you with their work, friends, other lovers and do whatever it takes for you to prove how much you want them or need them. They want you to compete for their time and attention.

Dating, Red Flags, Warning Signs

DATING RED FLAGS

KNOW THE SIGNS
As a survivor of narcissistic abuse, I’ve made it my personal mission to educate others. Is someone in your circle misreading a relationship because they are being blinded by the lovebombing stage of a potential abuser?”

1) PUSH FOR COMMITMENT TOO SOON
The new boyfriend/girlfriend pushes your friend into a serious/committed relationship very fast. In some cases discussing marriage in months or weeks of just meeting and dating. It’s not uncommon for victims to marry the narcissist in as little as three months or less! This is because the narc has plans to manipulate and abuse your friend horribly in the “devaluation” stage, only your friend is now caught in a trap he/she can’t escape.

2) OOZING CHARM: “THE CHARM PARADE”
The new boyfriend/girlfriend is over the top charming and tries to win over every other friend in your circle and/or family members. Look for cues in your conversations. Do you notice the new flame immediately switching his/her view in a conversation to “match” yours. Are they trying too hard to fit-in or impress? These are signs the person your friend is dating is trying to be someone they’re not. A great way to get to the bottom of if a person is a narcissist is to ask him/her what they are doing to improve him/herself in life and how they are changing as person to be a better person. If they answer “that’s silly, they don’t need to change” be on high alert. Narcissists believe they are superior and there is no need for them to change, because the world just revolves around them and they command it’s turning.

3) MOVING WAY TOO FAST
The new flame is moving in with your friend way too soon into their relationship. This is because the narc want’s your friend under his/her constant supervision. If they are living under the same roof, your friend can be studied, the narc can start snooping through their bank statements, bills, computer, etc. when they’re not there. And soon the narc fills his/her treasure chest, the narc has lots of blackmail material to hold your friend hostage as long as they decide to play with them. Remember, taking victims is about narcissistic supply. Your friend is nothing more to the narc than a play thing. A rubber ball the narc can bounce around from game to game.

4) WATCH FOR INSULTS
Narcs aren’t great at keeping secrets for long. Pretending to be a nice person often is short lived. If you suspect your friend is with an abuser, watch for the new flame’s reaction when your friend disagrees with the narc. If your friend express and alternate opinion, the narc will see that as a direct insult and shot at his/her pride. He/she will either snap back with a hurtful comment, or make an over the top statement about how wrong your friend is until your friend caves and adopts the narc’s POV.

5) CONSTANTLY SPENDING TIME WITH THE NARC
If you’re friend is dating a narcissist, you will see your friend less and less to the point you will question if you are even still close. That’s because narcissists are total vampires. They aren’t just satisfied taking your friend’s emotional stamina, they want to fully immerse them in the hell they are creating for them. Isolating your friend from you means your friend is without outside opinion and can’t confide in others. It also leaves the narc free to abuse, devalue, rage and harm your friend without suspecting eyes or friends questioning the relationship or encouraging your friend to escape.

6) OVER-THE-TOP GIFT GIVING
If your friend’s new flame is buying lavish gifts (think diamonds or expensive trips in the first month of dating), this is a giant red flag. Narcs are big gifters early into the relationship. Generally the victim gets a taste something just isn’t right with the relationship. When the target starts to suspect something is up and lovebombing isn’t working, the narc will start to use gifts to blind them. This causes the victim to question if the narc is such a bad person. After all if they bought such an expensive gift they must genuinely care, right? Wrong.

7) NARCS OVERSTATE HOW “NICE” THEY ARE
Narcissists are not kind people. They genuinely feel NOTHING for the sadness, suffering or pain of others. In fact, they feed off it and lavish pulling strings with people to make them depressed, sad and helpless. If your friend is dating someone who goes way out of their way to tell you how great of a person they are, over and over again. . .watch it! Narcs will spout volunteerism, how great they are with their kids’ PTO, etc. to convince you they are good people, great parents, etc. In reality, it’s all just an elaborate act to convince you and others they are nice in public, so they can be monsters behind closed doors. If you’re gut is telling you something doesn’t add up, trust it and keep an eye on it.

8) WATCH FOR SIGNS OF ABUSE
If the relationship continues for a number of months, watch for signs of abuse. If your friend starts showing new bruises with crazy excuses to cover for them. If your friend starts acting more shy/timid around you and your circle of friends. If they start acting depressed and further isolate themselves, lean in, don’t let them push you further away. Narcissists are horrible abusers. They go from kind to a living hell in the blink of an eye. Your friend could be in a relationship with someone that is abusing them emotionally, physically, sexually and even financially. Watch for the signs and report anything that is usual if you need to in order to save/protect your friend.