Dating, Red Flags, Warning Signs

DATING RED FLAGS

KNOW THE SIGNS
As a survivor of narcissistic abuse, I’ve made it my personal mission to educate others. Is someone in your circle misreading a relationship because they are being blinded by the lovebombing stage of a potential abuser?”

1) PUSH FOR COMMITMENT TOO SOON
The new boyfriend/girlfriend pushes your friend into a serious/committed relationship very fast. In some cases discussing marriage in months or weeks of just meeting and dating. It’s not uncommon for victims to marry the narcissist in as little as three months or less! This is because the narc has plans to manipulate and abuse your friend horribly in the “devaluation” stage, only your friend is now caught in a trap he/she can’t escape.

2) OOZING CHARM: “THE CHARM PARADE”
The new boyfriend/girlfriend is over the top charming and tries to win over every other friend in your circle and/or family members. Look for cues in your conversations. Do you notice the new flame immediately switching his/her view in a conversation to “match” yours. Are they trying too hard to fit-in or impress? These are signs the person your friend is dating is trying to be someone they’re not. A great way to get to the bottom of if a person is a narcissist is to ask him/her what they are doing to improve him/herself in life and how they are changing as person to be a better person. If they answer “that’s silly, they don’t need to change” be on high alert. Narcissists believe they are superior and there is no need for them to change, because the world just revolves around them and they command it’s turning.

3) MOVING WAY TOO FAST
The new flame is moving in with your friend way too soon into their relationship. This is because the narc want’s your friend under his/her constant supervision. If they are living under the same roof, your friend can be studied, the narc can start snooping through their bank statements, bills, computer, etc. when they’re not there. And soon the narc fills his/her treasure chest, the narc has lots of blackmail material to hold your friend hostage as long as they decide to play with them. Remember, taking victims is about narcissistic supply. Your friend is nothing more to the narc than a play thing. A rubber ball the narc can bounce around from game to game.

4) WATCH FOR INSULTS
Narcs aren’t great at keeping secrets for long. Pretending to be a nice person often is short lived. If you suspect your friend is with an abuser, watch for the new flame’s reaction when your friend disagrees with the narc. If your friend express and alternate opinion, the narc will see that as a direct insult and shot at his/her pride. He/she will either snap back with a hurtful comment, or make an over the top statement about how wrong your friend is until your friend caves and adopts the narc’s POV.

5) CONSTANTLY SPENDING TIME WITH THE NARC
If you’re friend is dating a narcissist, you will see your friend less and less to the point you will question if you are even still close. That’s because narcissists are total vampires. They aren’t just satisfied taking your friend’s emotional stamina, they want to fully immerse them in the hell they are creating for them. Isolating your friend from you means your friend is without outside opinion and can’t confide in others. It also leaves the narc free to abuse, devalue, rage and harm your friend without suspecting eyes or friends questioning the relationship or encouraging your friend to escape.

6) OVER-THE-TOP GIFT GIVING
If your friend’s new flame is buying lavish gifts (think diamonds or expensive trips in the first month of dating), this is a giant red flag. Narcs are big gifters early into the relationship. Generally the victim gets a taste something just isn’t right with the relationship. When the target starts to suspect something is up and lovebombing isn’t working, the narc will start to use gifts to blind them. This causes the victim to question if the narc is such a bad person. After all if they bought such an expensive gift they must genuinely care, right? Wrong.

7) NARCS OVERSTATE HOW “NICE” THEY ARE
Narcissists are not kind people. They genuinely feel NOTHING for the sadness, suffering or pain of others. In fact, they feed off it and lavish pulling strings with people to make them depressed, sad and helpless. If your friend is dating someone who goes way out of their way to tell you how great of a person they are, over and over again. . .watch it! Narcs will spout volunteerism, how great they are with their kids’ PTO, etc. to convince you they are good people, great parents, etc. In reality, it’s all just an elaborate act to convince you and others they are nice in public, so they can be monsters behind closed doors. If you’re gut is telling you something doesn’t add up, trust it and keep an eye on it.

8) WATCH FOR SIGNS OF ABUSE
If the relationship continues for a number of months, watch for signs of abuse. If your friend starts showing new bruises with crazy excuses to cover for them. If your friend starts acting more shy/timid around you and your circle of friends. If they start acting depressed and further isolate themselves, lean in, don’t let them push you further away. Narcissists are horrible abusers. They go from kind to a living hell in the blink of an eye. Your friend could be in a relationship with someone that is abusing them emotionally, physically, sexually and even financially. Watch for the signs and report anything that is usual if you need to in order to save/protect your friend.